Flooding in Rockingham

Good friend Carole Frye sent these photos to me. Seems Rockingham is getting hit hard also with all the rain. These photos are of Highway 74.

O Brother - Where Was Your Compassion?

You hate to air family laundry, so to speak, but sometimes it is the best way to get it off your chest, especially when it involves your spouse that you have been married to for 43 years and has this disease called progressive supranuclear palsy. So, here goes.

August 5 of this year, as noted on Facebook with photos I added  recently, we traveled to Asheville, Knoxville and Cherokee/Maggie Valley for our vacation. My oldest daughter Sandi did all the planning for this trip and I will always be indebted to her for helping me take care of  Sandra during this excursion.

We had not been to Knoxville since her younger brother Howard had moved there approximately 15 years ago. So, Sandra was anxious to see her brother and his family and his new home.

Howard and Rhetta, his wife, knew that Sandra had anticipated seeing them and their new home. And knew also of her disease. Now, I don’t know if he has ever researched PSP to find out what she goes through or not, but I hope he has.

It is just so hard for me to comprehend how people can be so callous. Especially when it is your brother! I’m a Christian and I know you are supposed to forgive people of their shortcomings but sometimes it is just hard to do. I guess it is like the Bible says, we all fall short of the glory of God – maybe if her brother ever calls to apologize, then I can forgive him. But, I’m not holding my breath.

We had a van for the trip and we all were riding around and Howard was showing us the neighborhood he lived in and telling us all about the people that lived there – lawyers, doctors, etc – you get the picture. And those homes were large, to say the least. I didn’t really care about seeing his home or going inside but his sister Sandra, my wife, thought for sure that she would get to visit with her brother inside their home. Not to be.

Now Howard had told me earlier something about the rescue squad requiring a fee for the residents of this community and he had declined to pay it. But to me that doesn’t constitute a reason to treat your sister as he did.

As we were taking the tour, my wife asked her brother why we just rode by his house instead of getting out and going inside. Stone silence. She told him again that she had come to Knoxville – the first time since he had lived there – and wanted to see his house. By this time, Sandra was in TEARS but her brother refused to acknowledge her plea and his wife was sitting right beside me at the time. She was completely quiet. 

I told Howard that we had plenty of people that could help her up the steps at his house and it wouldn’t be a problem. Also, she would only go to the first floor. But, nope, he wouldn’t budge! I was stunned that my wife’s own brother could be this cold-hearted as his sister was crying and upset. I mean, this will probably be the last time she gets to Knoxville to visit her brother. And, now, I know it will be the last time.

It really got to me that he could be this way with Sandra during her bout with this disease. Needless to say, the rest of the visit with Howard and his wife was not pleasant. We all headed to a mall, where I refused to speak to them the whole time we were there. And when we went back to the hotel, Sandra and I went to the bedroom and stayed there – they got the picture and left shortly thereafter.

It is now September 28 and Sandra has not heard from her brother to this day – no apology, no phone call, nothing. All I can say is I hope this plays on his conscience for a long time but then again, with cold-hearted people such as this, who knows.

Childhood Friends Meet Again

Me and the wife were visiting her mom and dad at Shallotte this weekend, so I figured I would look up two of my childhood buddies from Old Ellerbe Road at Five Points. So, I tweaked the Yellow Pages on my IPhone and lo and behold, I found their addresses and phone numbers in a matter of seconds. Don't know what I did before I got this phone. Anyway, I knew they lived in Shallotte but seemed I was always too busy to look them up when I had been there before. 

Called them up and arranged to meet them at the Sunrise Pancake House Saturday morning. It was great to see a couple of the guys I grew up with many years ago. They were getting ready to head up to Leland NC to check out the Italian festival for some great food. We had fun reminiscing about the childhood years around our neighborhood. 

Oh yeah - the guys I am talking about are Jerry Wayne and Woody Jenkins. Brothers that lived right up the street from me. Jerry had moved to Shallotte about 10 years ago and talked his older brother Woody into doing the same thing about 5 years ago. They live about 2 miles apart. When we were kids, I had a crush on their sister Jenny Sue. She is now married to Billy Lear.

My wife worked with Woody's wife Carol years ago in Hamlet at Hardison and Hardison. And, I worked with Woody at the railroad but didn't get to see him much as I worked as a clerk and he was an electrician. 

Jerry, Woody and I did a lot of hunting when we were kids. But I haven't done that in years.  Woody and Jerry and their wives now mostly fish instead of hunt. But it was really great to get to relive some of those memories.

I took a few photos and thought I would share them here.

Jerry Jenkins and wife Vicky, Carol Jenkins and husband Woody

 Jerry and Vicky

 Carol and Woody

 Sandra's Parents Billie & John Watson

 Me and Sandra

She Calls Me Dad, and, Everyone Else, She Calls Honey

Ever since my wife has been diagnosed with this disease, PSP, her personality has changed a little. This is directly attributed to the disease. It’s not a necessarily a bad thing – just different.

As I have said in my earlier description of what she is going through, her actions are slower than they were previously. When I ask her a question, it takes longer before she answers. She is not as quick as in the past. When she gets tired – and that is usually about an hour and an half of being up – she becomes exhausted. Sometimes it takes longer and sometimes it hits quicker. When she is really exhausted, you can barely hear her talk. I have to get right next to her to understand her sentence because she talks in a whisper. Her eyes also tell the story.

When she asks me a question, she now ends it with “dad”, instead of maybe honey or baby, like she used to. Example – “What time is it, dad?” And, most anybody she encounters, she ends the sentence with “honey” or “baby” on the end. Even her parents get this added affection on the end of her sentences. There is nothing wrong with this, in fact, it actually adds a little more feeling to the sentence. But, it is different from the Sandra I used to know.

She wants to do what she used to do. Like any of us, she will get up and having done this particular activity many times in the past, she just simply forgets that she cannot perform this task like she used to. And, if I am not close by, she will eventually lose her balance and fall. She gets so frustrated because she has limits now as to what she can do.

Like today, she wants to go to a movie tonight and maybe a meal afterward. But she will probably give out after the movie and we will have to come home. All the wants and normal feelings are there but the body is not willing a lot of the time.

Well, I will conclude this part of our journey and ask for all to continue to keep Sandra in your prayers.

Joel Bailey

A Dog's Life - Can You Figure 'em Out?

I have had dogs all my life. When I was a kid, we had all kinds - Labs, Chows, German Shephards and the all time favorite, All American Dogs. Of course, back then they would run free. We never used a leash on them, it was unheard of. Neighbors always complained about them getting into their trash, etc. And hardly ever did we keep them inside, unless it was an extremely cold winter, then they might get to come in.

Their food intake was a great variety. I don't remember Dad ever going out and buying dog food or dog treats. Our dogs were fed from the table scraps. So they never had to worry about eating the same every day - a variety made in heaven, with love of course.

Most dogs today live in - like the Bucky Covington song - A Different World. They get special food, special treats, live indoors with air conditioning and heat - so you would think they wouldn't have a care in the world. Just eat, sleep, potty and play. If they only knew how their ancestors lived, I am sure they would be a little more appreciative.

I know over the years when I lived at home, we hunted a lot. Dad and us boys would go out hunting for squirrels and rabbits. My dad was a no holes barred, plain spoken kind of guy. While hunting one afternoon, we happened upon a den of wild puppies - with no mother in sight. Now Dad wasn't about to leave these pups out there in the wild to defend themselves but he also knew he could not take them home because we already had plenty there. So, he did - in his mind - the only humane thing to do.....he took them each one and slapped them up against a tree - to put them out of the misery they were sure to encounter if left there alone. Needless to say, this was not something a young boy needed to witness, but, then again, I guess Dad felt he was doing the right thing, so that was that.

But, getting back to the story of dogs, over the years I have had to put dogs down when it seems they were at death's door - but I did it the way most would do today, take them to the vet and let them charge you 100 bucks or so and do it for you.

The last one I put down was our dog Charlie - a little black toy poodle we had had since Florida. He used to go walking with me here in Cary about every day but we found out that he had anal cancer and I had to go through that process once again. It is a heartbreaking thing for a person to have to do. Because that little dog depends on you for everything in their lives - and it is so sad when you look into their eyes right before the vet sends him to dog heaven and realizing your little friend will not be able to walk with you anymore. This will indeed make a grown man cry.

We have a Lab now - a pretty big dog named Dilly, actually, it is my daughter Crystal's dog but of course I end up taking care of it most of the time. She is a lovable dog but hard to understand. She will growl at my wife but not at me - unless I am playing with her. She hates motorcycles and when I walk her, I never know how she will react to other dogs, so I kind of have to keep my distance. 

Living in a complex where you have to pick up their mess - of course, reverting back to my childhood, this would have been unheard of - I carry the little bags with me everywhere. There have been times when I am trying to gather up her droppings and she sees another dog and will take off, just about dragging me down. Thank goodness for a strong leash, but sometimes I wonder if I want get literally dragged down the road one of these times. I wonder why, at times when she gets through with her business, she keeps kicking and digging the grass. I know she is probably trying to cover her stuff up but lordy, she will walk 30 feet or more and still scratching the grass. Go figure. 

One more thing - dogs are never satisfied with the room they have. In Florida, we had a large fenced in backyard - all kind of room for our dog to roam in, but no, that wasn't big enough. She was always digging out. So, finally I got one of those so called electric fences and that did pretty good. Until I would forget to turn it on.

Anyway, just a few thoughts about dogs. They are lovable creatures - and at least you can train them a few things - nothing like cats. Don't get me started on cats. A story for another time.

Thanks To Everyone In Response to My Recent Post About My Wife Sandra

Words cannot describe the feeling you get when so many friends respond to a post. I even had a call from one of my childhood buddies, Murphy Comer, today inquiring on Sandra. First time I had talked to him in probably 40 years. 

The people below made comments on Facebook and I just wanted to thank them all with this post.

LaWanda Goodwin - I am glad to see that this post I made was so gladly received and is a help to you and yours. Thanks so much for your thoughts and prayers.

Wendi Bailey and Shannon - My daughter in law and son - along with my daughters Sandi and Crystal have made this journey more bearable and have really helped the old man out. Words cannot describe the feelings I have for all my kids - and grandkids.

Barbara Mozingo - thank you so much for your thoughts and prayers.

Tess Ann Jones - thanks you for the kind comments you made and your prayers.

Floyd (Butch) Spencer - thanks, Butch, for your prayers and thoughts. I know you have your cross to bear also and I keep you in my prayers.

Annie Ruth Hammond - I appreciate very much the comments Annie from a friend from long ago and thanks for your prayers.

Phyllis Davis Gibson - better know to me as "El Roo's" sister. Rodney will never be forgotten. Thanks for your comments and prayers Phyllis.

Sherry Inman - Sandra does remember you Sherry and I thank you for your prayers and comments. I remember Rev Kirby - years ago.

Gary Bell - best friend from St Pete Fl - Gary and your family were the greatest when we lived there. Thank you for your prayers.

A Disease Called PSP - My Wife Has It

September 5, 2010

Progressive Supranuclear Palsy – Dudley Moore had this disease.

I have thought about putting this story in writing for a long time. And have had doubts about writing it. But, I have decided that as Sandra and I go through this journey, maybe it should be shared so others that might get this disease will have a better understanding of where they are headed.

This is not written for pity on me as the caregiver to my wife but just to let others know what she is going through. And for others to have compassion for people that have this disease and remember them in their prayers daily….unlike two members of my wife’s family recently that have no compassion at all.

Sandra was diagnosed with Parkinsons Disease in January of 2008. I and family members had noticed a change in Sandra back in 2007 but only as the symptoms became more evident did we decide to go to a neurologist. We had read on the internet about Parkinsons because her symptoms had a lot in commom. Shuffling, hard to move your feet, bad posture – leaning forward, slumping, falling, vision problems and fatigue. Out of the eight symptoms for Parkinsons, we counted five that she had. So, when we got the diagnosis in January we really weren’t surprised but of course devastated that at her age, she had this disease.

During the middle of 2008, her vision and fatigue problems had gotten so bad, she could not do her job…and her boss had noticed. So, in June of 2008, she quit her job and applied for and received disability.

She has been through a lot with this disease but thought that she would live for 25 years or so as many patients with Parkinsons did. While we lived at our previous address, which was a tri-level, she fell many times, one time breaking her foot. So, we left that house and decided to move to a location that I had no yard work to do because I could not handle that plus take care of her. We found a place that was one level and that is where we are at now.

But in February of this year, 2010, her regular neurologist and I were alarmed at how fast her balance problems had progressed. He suggested she see a specialist in Chapel Hill, which we did. That is when she was diagnosed with PSP (progressive supranuclear palsy). This disease is rare – only 20000 Americans – 1 in 100000 over the age of 60, have this disease. The prognosis with this disease is 5 to 7 years. The brain cells degenerate and there is no known cure or what causes this disease. It is often mistaken as Parkinsons, as Sandra’s was. The most frequent first symptom of PSP is a loss of balance while walking.

We have tried walkers for Sandra but she just trips over them and therefore we have now had to confine her to a wheelchair, for her safety. But she still falls from time to time – in fact, she probably falls an average of two times a day because she will forget and get up and start to walk and then lose her balance and fall. I try my best to stay close to her all the time but sometimes that is hard to do. A person with this disease requires constant attention or else they are apt to fall and hit their head and get a concussion or worse.

I love my wife and it is hard to watch as this progresses. She has ups and downs. Most of the time she is tired and lays around a lot. She will get dressed in the mornings but then has to lay down and rest. I have to help dress her, take her to the restroom and feed her a times because her sight is so bad and the fatigue is also bad. She can be walking normally for a bit and then will just fall over. The sad thing is she knows what is going on – from day to day she breaks down and cries and I try to console her. When the fatigue is really bad, I can see it in her eyes. My heart goes out to her and I wish it were me that had this disease. She hums quite a bit plus stays cold quite a bit. She has bruises all over where she has fallen previously. When she gets tired, her speech is so low, I can barely hear her. I have to get up close to hear what she is saying. Plus, she has sleep apnea. She is wearing the mask but not very much because it aggravates her.

Needless to say, this takes a lot of caregiving and I have had to stay off the computer more, so if you do not see more updates, you will understand. All I ask is that you keep Sandra in your prayers and your thoughts as she continues this journey.

I will try to update this story as we continue and hopefully she will not get any worse.

Joel Bailey

A Day At The Beach.....in China!

I have two questions.....Where in the heck are the restrooms and how in the world do they get a tan?
(These were sent to me by Sally McDonald, Bob McDonald's wife.)